Traffic

A video for the visually impaired. You will see what I mean.

Apparently, to increase blog traffic, one must start posting on a fairly regular basis.  So that is exactly what I am going to do.  Because, who doesn’t love traffic. In keeping with my current theme of vulnerability, I will attempt to create cyber congestion by revealing why it is a challenge for me to write on a regular basis.

1. I usually only write about embarassing situations.  These happen less often now that I am older and increasingly risk averse, not to mention that all the kids are in school so there are less parenting faux pas to process.  Side note: the French term faux pas is amazing. I don’t like saying it, but I love writing it. It makes humiliation fancy. Only the French can pull that off. I usually say, “fox paw” just for fun though. Similarly, I like to call Brett Favre, Brett FAV-RAY.  Why? Because come on!  How in the world am I supposed to just pretend the “r” comes first, Brett.  I get that you are a football legend, but that doesn’t mean we all have to play along.  Would you be comfortable if I started spelling my last name “Palsey” but asking you to pronounce it “Pasley?” 
2. I feel like everyone and their mom is a blogger. Or a mom blogger.  Or a blogging mom.  Or a mom who likes reading blogs and is thinking about putting one together. It is being done and done very well by a whole lotta ladies.  To do it right, you have to either know something about home design, or self deprecate just enough to be relatable, then demonstrate ground breaking maturity and wisdom so you are worth “following”.  For example: If you just reveal that you screamed at your child like a she-demon…you have to end it with, but then I learned that she-demons are just fallen angels themselves… trying to raise  little angels as best they can… or some guru shiz like that.  No one ever ends their blog with the she-demon line. It’s the formula that is hard for me to embrace.  I guess I have always rebelled against formula though. That might be why I can’t make pie crust.
3.  I am afraid of becoming an addict.  This is a very real fear. Cyber affirmation is a drug.  “Likes” are becoming a religion. People are putting their faith in them. A heart emoji literally means love. Really? As a modern day follower of Christ (yeah I said it) I am really, really trying to remember where my value lies. But I have to be honest, when I saw that someone from the Netherlands hit up my site, I got excited. Uncomfortably excited.  Like, Julie and Julia excited. That’s ridiculous. Especially because I don’t even know what they read or how they felt about it. I just knew that I had travelled to the Netherlands for a hot minute. I want to find a balance between appreciating colorful emojis and positive reinforcement without needing them.
4. Hey world…check…me out. I am not entirely sure that I want anyone to check me out. Is it self indulgent to want that kind of attention? (This is where you leave a comment telling me, I am worth it!)

So there they are. All the reasons I haven’t posted regularly.

Now for the challenge: I realize that the NPR New Years Resolution specialists suggest that you don’t share your goals so as to avoid pre mature pay off and/or disappointment, but I am going to do it anyway!

I will attempt to post once a week. I will not wait for humiliation or parental epiphanies to find me.  Will you help hold me accountable sweet friends and family,
(and guy in the Netherlands).  Don’t let me drop the ball. I need this exercise.

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Future title possibilities:

Why I want to be Rick Steves and David Sedaris’ love child. 

The unfortunate musings of Tove Lo 

Spiders and Jive Turkeys