Time after Time


So, what are you going to do now that all the kids are in school?

I would like to officially apologize to every woman I have said this to. I am pretty sure, I tried to funny it up when I asked, but the meta message was still there.

What on earth are you going to do with all that time, I wish I had, but I don’t.

I am not sure what a better question would even be. What are you going to do with all that potential?   How do you intend to use your super powers now? Will you finally get to do all that you dreamed of doing before you became a nurse log? No matter how the inquiry is framed it feels something like: GET A JOB!

Mike calls this season my sabbatical–my golden moment to pursue health and discover my passions.  (Where did I find a man like this, you ask? I had him made. Thank you Ken and Deb.)  Unfortunately, my focus on health has awakened my inner hypochondriac.  I can’t seem to get rid of the sensation that there is something stuck in my throat and am fairly confident that I am at death’s door. I don’t think this is what my dear husband had in mind, but here we are.

The pursuing my passions piece has been interesting, but I confess the pursuit has mostly consisted of random career assessment tests, solo brainstorming sessions and crying spells. I have unsuccessfully submitted one story to NPR, written one blog about being stuck in my own pants,  painted a portrait of Einstein, and researched the voice over industry and how middle aged women can break into the field as painlessly as possible. I coach choir club once a week and occasionally practice long vowel sounds with Mrs. Juhl’s first grade class.  I rock the orca costume from time to time, against my better judgment,  but no longer on the regular.  Overall, I just spend a lot of time feeling like somewhere along the way, the list of things I wanted to do with my life got lost, and now I need to find it.

As a result of my weird, possibly hormonally driven, quasi midlife crisis, I have  required Mike to prepare and deliver weekly pep talks on the beauty, sexiness, wisdom and viability of women in their forties. (I turn forty in three months. The separation is in the preparation.) During these pep talks, I have been encouraged to think outside the box. So here I go. Jobs I would be interested in, if prior experience, education, salary and aptitude were non issues–followed by naysaying.

Astronaut–I am terrible at math, claustrophobic, and have poor vision. Not a great candidate for space travel.

Today Show Host: A little late to the game. The women seem to age out in their forties on that program.  It’s like Dazed and Confused. Lauer keeps getting older… and the girls stay the same age.

Foreign Correspondent:  Family put the kibosh on this option due to safety concerns but I think I would be awesome at it. As long as I am not required to wear pencil skirts. Those don’t sit well with me.

Travel Writer: Waiting for Rick Steves to kick the bucket.

Motivational Speaker:  Might need to nail down my own motivation first, but I do have a stage name on lock down:  Robin Tonies.

Artist: I set up an etsy account to sell paintings, but my “cyber store” remains empty due to a total lack of confidence and a fear of art consumers, who seem naughty by nature and prone to judgy feedback.

Disney Land Tour Guide:  Typically this role is reserved for young people willing to wear safari shorts and tropical button downs.  Not sure if I am willing to relocate the whole family to make that happen.

Diplomat: I AM a push over. So….you know….maybe.

Member of an Improv Troop: I hear these cats make like $50 a night and the hours are flexible.

Sea Gal: I could be the lady that all the wives don’t mind.  The Sea “every woman” gal.  The one that helps them decide it’s okay to wear pants.  I would also encourage them to bring an end to the shimmy, shimmy, bend move.  It is tiresome.  Simply bending over is not a viable dance move and adding a couple shimmies before-hand doesn’t make it good.  If I don’t make the cut, I will just promote the drinking game I created years ago, (aptly named) “The Shimmy, Shimmy, Bend Drinking Game”.  The rules are simple. If they double shimmy and bend over, you drink.  I guarantee public intoxication by half time. Go Hawks.

Blogger:  With approximately 3 views a day, I think it might behoove me to seek other avenue for revenue.

Teaching: Not just yet. I want to get my little ones farther along in their own academic journey before I become uninterruptible after school due to a heavy workload. Teaching is no joke man.

Insert suggestion here: __________________________________________________________________

I realize this is a wonderful problem to have. And I completely understand if women with toddlers and or folks working 60+ hours a week want to punch me in the face. But, consider this: there is a degree of additional responsibility that comes with not having as many responsibilities anymore.  For example: When you have four children, people expect you to be late. They are not surprised if you cancel.  Most mistakes can be blamed, at least in part, on children. In general, no one expects much out of you outside of executing your maternal responsibilities. You are a hero for bathing.

So, what am I doing with myself, now that all the kids are in school?  I’ll let you know when I find out.  In the meantime, I am going to take a bath whenever I feel like it.


Questions for my little audience that I love:

  1. I am nervous about turning forty and I am not sure why.  Any ideas?
  2. If you are in your forties, what do you love about it?
  3. Did you or someone you know experience a mild crisis during a similar transition?
  4. Know any good sermons on aging gracefully?



8 thoughts on “Time after Time


    1. The fear of turning 40 is a societal joke. Here comes the best years of your life!
    3. I am a walking crisis. But my faith is stronger than all of that. I am known and loved by my Father. Pace yourself- know that this too.. shall pass.
    4. I dont of a specific sermon but just listen and sing you will get a God shot just like I do weekly.

    I love you Hev and every word you write and share. I’m waiting for your book dove.


  2. 1. At 40, I actually have a lot more clarity, and at least making positive strides.
    2. The things I love have little to do with my current age. I do feel less afraid to do things that I’ve always wanted to do.
    3. I find trouble pointing to a period in my life when crisis *wasn’t* going on, so I’m not a fair judge of that.


  3. Oh Heather, you are just the best!! First off I’m closer to turning a number I can not even say out loud, and we’ll see how that goes. Turning forty was a BIG FREAKING DEAL to me. I have No idea why either, but you are definitely not alone in that. I literally spent the entire day sobbing! My poor family!! But after the day, the day that I somehow felt like was a magical number that I was supposed to have my life figured out by, well I realized I was ok. My life is still not figured out and maybe never will be, but my 40s and what’s left of them have actually been pretty great. Yours will be too because you are an amazing lady and mom!!


  4. Heather!

    You make me laugh so hard!!

    I shook the table…not a joke…shook it with my belly, laughing like a Menopausal Santa…

    I just Love you!!!~Dee

    Sent from Outlook



  5. Hi Heather,
    Love your blog posts! And to answer your questions:
    1. Throw yourself a party. If you can’t celebrate turning 40, then call it a “My Family’s Not Grieving My Death” party. In my limited experience, 40 was the last big party opportunity for birthdays. Sure, there are other milestone birthdays, but for some reason, 40 is the perfect time to have the big bash. After that, everyone is just too tired to care.

    2. I passed my 40’s a while ago, but it was a great decade. I felt like the steep side of the learning curve was behind me, and I was enjoying the fruit of labors earlier in life.. Proverbs 24: 3,4 say “By wisdom a house is built,and through understanding it is established;through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures” Building and establishing a house is hard work, but filling it with rare and beautiful treasures is fun. I feel like we get to do more of this after 40 than we do before, while we’re building and establishing.

    3. Yes, but only the pagans. The righteous take everything that comes with a happy and grateful heart. You might want to work on that. 😉

    4. Ever heard of Jill Briscoe? She’s a fabulous role model. And her husband Stuart has just released a book and sermon series on getting better with age. And they’re OLD, so they should know! 🙂 Check them out at http://www.tellingthetruth.org

    and I vote for Private Investigator. Get paid to snoop? Who wouldn’t want that gig?


  6. Why were you unsuccessful submitting to NPR? Did you fail to click Send on the email?

    Life in my 40s – I know some things I never knew I didn’t know when I was younger.
    But knowledge, it seems, is not adjoined with happiness. My days have gotten longer because I don’t sleep as well as I used to, so that’s cool.
    “What am I doing with all those hours I used to be sleeping?” Dang, that’s a good question.

    Awesome post as always, dear lady.


  7. What I learned is that your so-called free time is much more limiting than you might think. My kids are tweens now (grade 5 and 7) and both active in competitive sports year round and MY time is limited to a couple of hours of reading/blogging (my passion) because I gotta wash equipment, do laundry, clear clutter, grocery shop, cook, look up maps to rinks or baseball diamonds, find money that doesn’t exist to pay for tournaments, stay on top of outgrown clothing, etc. And let’s not forget homework, anxiety about school, and drama (there’s always some sort of drama). It’s all very mental.

    I’m in my late 40s now and in constant crisis mode. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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