Since My Baby Left Me…

Some things seem like a good idea at the time.

Speeding.

Chocolate.

Reorganizing your sock drawer.

Exercising with your children…

———————————————————————————

Kiama lights up a room.  She smiles on command. She sleeps like a teenager.  She has a healthy appetite.  She even waits in her bouncer politely while I finish the dishes without making me feel guilty.  In other words, she is the ideal baby.  Her only flaw is that she turned my abdomen into a deflated pool toy.  She also caused instability in my pelvis. As a result, my hips don’t lie they just  hurt like hell most of the time.

Fortunately, I got onto the problem early thanks to repeated visits to the physio (Physical Therapist) shortly after giving birth. Lately, I have been feeling great.  Which is why I thought it would be a wonderful time to try and get rid of the pool toy.

But how?

Kiama isn’t a huge fan of the pram (stroller) nor is she quite old enough to enjoy a creche (childcare) hence power walking or attending an aerobic class is not an option.

So what does one do?

The answer came to me in a moment of great distress. Kenna and Chaylee were careening through the house at top speed running into walls and furniture.  Despite my cries to cease and desist, they continued using our home furnishings as leverage and each other as inspiration.

And then it occurred to me–if you can’t beat them, join them!

No one has more energy and stamina than young children. If I could tap into that power source, perhaps I could not only get the exercise I desperately needed but I could quench their desire to destroy property while simultaneously being an engaged parent void of rage.

It seemed like a really, really good idea.

We each chose two high energy songs a piece.  We then took turns leading one another in aerobic activity for the duration of our selected song.

Chaylee was first to lead.  She started by holding herself up off the ground with one hand while jutting her right leg at a 90 degree angle in the air, and from there it got worse- high speed jumping jacks, ergonomically incorrect push ups, extreme lunging and summersaults off the couch.  I knew it was  high impact–dangerous even, but I was committed. I mimicked her every move with precision.

Kenna’s routine was slightly less crazed but equally challenging. Her approach was more like a bitter PE Coach that always wanted to go pro but instead ended up in a multi-purpose room berating 8th graders who were unable to do the backwards roll in tumbling class.

I can’t tumble okay!  You happy now Kenna?

When it was my turn to lead I gave the girls a taste of their own medicine. My moves were fierce, repetitive and complicated. They required skill and rhythm and adult size appendages.

What’s up now kid…huh?  What now son?

We ended with some collective stretching and breathing exercises.  All in all it was a success. I had some minor aches and pains, but I was proud of the sweat on my brow and the time I spent with my kids.

Because of the success of my first aerobic endeavor with the girls, we decided to have another go the next day.  But, this time Kiama’s legacy became apparent.

Chaylee, once again, started her routine with her extreme one armed power stance, but this time my pelvis turned into a heartbreak hotel. I was in agony from the downbeat.  Every move was a challenge. Every haphazard sit up seemed ill advised.  I felt like an old woman. But, still I pressed on. I begged Kenna to go easy on me but she was merciless.  Soon, the pain was too much and I had to give up the fight and put my pelvis to rest.

As a result of my awesome idea, I am now disabled. I am unable to walk normally.  I cannot sit, stand or roll over with out guttural utterances. I am no longer capable of picking up any of my children without a shriek or grunt.  I currently sit on an ice pack when I drive and moan when I put on pants.

It really did seem like a good idea at the time.

Words of the Day:

Good Oil: Good Idea

Old Girl: Mother

It seemed like good oil, but this old girl just can’t keep up with her ankle biters.

Family Trivia:

Mike did warn me that my awesome idea might end badly.

Poll:

What was your best idea gone wrong? Tell me.  I really do want to know.

Australian fact that has nothing to do with pelvises or exercise.

If an Aussie asks you if they can nurse your baby do not be dismayed. They merely want to cuddle the child, not breast feed them.  I wish someone would have let me in on that little gem a bit sooner.

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. jaerae1971
    Mar 29, 2011 @ 12:32:35

    What was my best idea gone wrong? At the risk of sounding like the worst parent ever…..having unprotected sex with my husband 2 weeks before his vasectomy 15 years ago.
    I love my 14 year old, I really do…..AND I wouldn’t trade him for the world now, but that boy is a whole different animal than his two older brothers.
    Again….I wouldn’t take it back now…..God love him. Sorry Barleigh.

    Like

    Reply

  2. Lucy
    Mar 29, 2011 @ 14:37:47

    Oh man….oh man, oh MAN! I was looking forward to the “happily ever after”, but I guess that came in the beginning with Kiama being such a precious little angel sent directly from Heaven! But…you poor dear! How are you now?? I am hoping that your pelvis has forgiven you and that you take it a bit slower the next time you are feeling the need for speed.

    I love the intro, “SPEEDING, chocolate”… speeding is my favorite item gone bad…

    When I saw the cherry-top swing across the median, billowing earth, antennas flailing, I just KNEW I was in for it. That trooper (or was he a mere sheriff in those parts?) thought that I was gonna take off again, so I was escorted to the prowler as a precaution (I am sure I looked like someone who would attempt a quick flight from the Law!)
    …and then came the admonishment … “you know, Miss… I clocked you at 101 miles per hour… where are you going that you have to get there so fast?”
    “Well, you see, sir…. I just left Mt Rushmore and now I am headed to Chicago…”
    “What? You want to get to Chicago TODAY??!” (obviously flabbergasted by my intention)
    “yes, sir… how long will it take me?”
    “Depends on how fast you drive…”
    “I know that, sir… hence the 101 mph… that’s why I am asking…. how fast CAN I drive?”
    “Hmmm… you really don’t wanna go 101 cuz if you crash, then SOMEONE is gonna get hurt… but… the speed limit is 75… you can go 78 without getting into trouble”.
    “Thank you sir, and thank you for writing the ticket for 100mph” (that was the big break that he gave me, 100 mph is the limit before that have to take you IN).

    “Have a nice day, young lady… and be safe!”

    I loved that man…he was like Officer Dad. I cherish that experience.

    Like

    Reply

  3. Melissa
    Mar 29, 2011 @ 15:56:29

    My best idea gone wrong? Probably standing on the handles of our footstool to reach the stove while making Top Ramen as a child. It resulted in 2nd & 3rd degree burns on the right side of my body. Not my finest moment. 🙂

    Such a funny story! Hope you recover soon.

    Like

    Reply

  4. elkandboar
    Mar 29, 2011 @ 20:20:22

    “My pelvis turned into a heartbreak hotel.” I am crazy about you and I want to nurse your kids for you (my other favorite part) so you don’t have to hurt. You make me laugh so hard!!! I can’t wait to do things with you that seem like good ideas when you’re home.
    My latest “seemed like a good idea” was staying up till five this morning to finish a blog 3 people might read. Mine aren’t so entertaining, they’re just about entertaining. At least it’s spring break. You amaze me Hev. It’s so good!!!!!!

    Like

    Reply

  5. Lucy
    Mar 29, 2011 @ 21:23:38

    Hey Elk! Your dad & I read your blog at about 6am…probably right after you posted it!

    Both of you girls are so dang talented…you have more talent in your pinkies than Carter’s got pills (that expression is way old…it means you got a ton of it). And you both are amazing Old Girls!

    Hev, do the Aussies REALLY ask you if they can nurse your baby? Yikes.

    Like

    Reply

  6. Luke
    Mar 31, 2011 @ 04:51:39

    I have that same “deflated pool toy” problem, though I can’t blame it on a pregnancy.
    Good ideas turned bad? I got tons of those. Years ago, some fellas and I used to go to a little hot wing shack called Wing Dome in the U District. On one occasion, I ate 10 of the level 7 wings. I didn’t make it home before those killers had burned a hole right through my center.
    – Another awesome blog, my friend!

    Like

    Reply

  7. Rowe
    Apr 06, 2011 @ 23:23:49

    Hi, I found your site looking for any kind of opinion on the GPs @Chatswood 24hrMC. I’ve gone there several times in the past, but it’s been a few years since I’ve needed a visit.

    I don’t remember any names, but want to be more selective than waiting for the next available GP, the next time I go. Which will be soon.

    Which one is Dr. Townsend? Is he the bald headed guy with a beard? Thanks.

    Like

    Reply

    • Anonymous
      Apr 07, 2011 @ 06:05:44

      He is an older gentleman. I believe he has a full head of grey hair in addition to a beard. His office was upstairs last time I was there, but it has been a while. Avoid Patel. Gupta is good! Very thorough and kind. The lady doctors are all pretty great too for the most part 🙂 I have found Lindfield Medical to be better all around though. It’s across from Coles on Pacific Ave.

      Like

      Reply

  8. Heather Pasley
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 06:06:47

    It’s me, by the way…Heather 🙂 I failed to put in my details and it marked me anonymous.

    Like

    Reply

  9. Rowe
    Apr 07, 2011 @ 13:15:49

    Do you know names of the lady doctors? I’ve only been treated by a lady GP there once and she was good.

    None of the GPs I’ve seen before are listed here:
    http://www.doctoralia.com.au/medical-center/chatswood+24hr+medical+centre-1189305

    Like

    Reply

    • heatherpasley
      Apr 13, 2011 @ 09:14:25

      I am so sorry it took me this long to respond. Putica is the only one I have seen. I liked her (although the name is a little unfortunate 🙂 . My favorite gal appears to be gone though now. Wish I could be of greater assistance.

      Like

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: